I realized during my house job that even though we were imperfect and had limitations, people still respected us. All they really wanted from us was the fact that we give them an avenue to understand what was happening to them and their loved ones. 

               I've had patients thank me for just listening and telling them what I thought of their patient's prognosis, people who had been in hospitals many times yet no one had told them the prognosis. All I did was take them to a room and just to the best of my abilities tell them what I knew.  Even when I gave bad news, they understood. I've had people give me prayers and appreciate the efforts I was making and motivate me when I felt down. I've had my share of failures and mistakes and very bad moments with patients. Times when I felt it was just useless and thankless to be a doctor. But then moments of appreciation come. 

             I once had a guy walk up to me and take me aside after his father's death and ask me how I thought the funeral should be held. The guy said that he didn't have a brother to discuss this issue with. I was moved that I was brought to a level that I could walk in with him into his personal life and help him decide such an important issue.  

             The small gestures of appreciation and thank yous' is what keeps doctors hooked. And even with the disastrous failures that haunt us,  the faces of the patients we couldn't save and should have saved, the sleepless nights on duty and off duty,  the moving on day after day- death after death, all the negatives, yet that one time you save someone or just bond with a patient is what we strive for. And that one moment of pure happiness is what still makes me wonder if I can leave clinical medicine. And I know even if I do leave medicine for epidemiology, I'll still have cravings of the caffeine of clinical medicine.