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Arooj: The randomness ws beautifully etchd (: i lovd 15. Lol. I hate buyng shoes too, although, fr a diff reason :p
Rooj: Update ur damn blog man. I realize u hav insane looong shifts, bt realy!
Rang-e-Hayat: Kahan ghayab ho yaar??? Didn't see you 4 soooooooo long!
Rang-e-Hayat: Yeah, I'm in Pakistan. Just saw ur msg. Tried to msg u long time ago but U know nets, lights, and computers here. Anyways. How've u been dude? I'll probably get in touch with U guys as soon as I go back to US , which is pretty soon inshallah.
rooj: tagging you!! :D

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Sunday, October 4th 2009

11:38 AM (48 days, 19h, 48min ago)

Medicine - The Caffeine

                   Being a doctor sucks. We have sleepless nights because of the crazy calls and then we have the sleepless nights because of the failures that always come to haunt us. No matter how many things we get right, we do get a few wrong. And these wrongs always stick and we play over the events & wish we could have done something day in and day out. 
                 So what is it about this profession, that Atul Gawande so aptly called an imperfect science? Why is it so addictive? Why inspite of the gruelling demands of the professioon people still jump in?
                I realized during my house job that even though we were imperfect and had limitations, people still respected us. All they really wanted from us was the fact that we give them an avenue to understand what was happening to them and their loved ones. 
               I've had patients thank me for just listening and telling them what I thought of their patient's prognosis, people who had been in hospitals many times yet no one had told them the prognosis. All I did was take them to a room and just to the best of my abilities tell them what I knew.  Even when I gave bad news, they understood. I've had people give me prayers and appreciate the efforts I was making and motivate me when I felt down. I've had my share of failures and mistakes and very bad moments with patients. Times when I felt it was just useless and thankless to be a doctor. But then moments of appreciation come. 
             I once had a guy walk up to me and take me aside after his father's death and ask me how I thought the funeral should be held. The guy said that he didn't have a brother to discuss this issue with. I was moved that I was brought to a level that I could walk in with him into his personal life and help him decide such an important issue.  
             The small gestures of appreciation and thank yous' is what keeps doctors hooked. And even with the disastrous failures that haunt us,  the faces of the patients we couldn't save and should have saved, the sleepless nights on duty and off duty,  the moving on day after day- death after death, all the negatives, yet that one time you save someone or just bond with a patient is what we strive for. And that one moment of pure happiness is what still makes me wonder if I can leave clinical medicine. And I know even if I do leave medicine for epidemiology, I'll still have cravings of the caffeine of clinical medicine.
2 quack(s) / post quack

Sunday, August 30th 2009

9:45 AM (83 days, 21h, 42min ago)

Fulbright, Harvard and the Sky!!!!!!!!

                              Sitting at Peabody, overlooking the Charles, on a windy windy Boston night, reminiscing of the journey, is a feeling that is beyond description. Seeing people walk by oblivious of how they will affect the lives of millions and millions of people is fascinating. These people don't seem to be different from anybody else. They seem as full of life and joy as many other college and university students. They are not the ultra-nerds or super-bookworms avatar that the words Harvard and Fulbright seem to project. So what sets these people apart. 

                             One thing I've noticed talking to people during my Fulbright and Harvard journey is that these people have a vision and an ambition. They range from the young and inexperienced to the total authority in their fields. Hell, some are even professors. Yet we sit together boasting of the same title and degree. We are Fulbrighters and we got into Harvard.

                          We bleed when we are hurt. We are frustrated when we lose.  And we have our share of falls. Yet what sets us apart is the ability to know we have to get things done no matter what the cost. There is no giving up. If one path doesn't lead to a goal, we just try a different path.We are bold. We think out of the box. 

                        Fulbright and Harvard didn't look for 4.0 GPA's, though there are quite a few of them. They looked for leaders. They looked for energy. They looked for people who could further a cause.

                        My message is there are no limits. There are no ceilings. There are no boundaries. You fly as high as you aim to fly. Don't be discouraged by your failures. Learn to overcome them. Admit that you are human and you will falter sometimes. But never let those low moments deter you from your dreams. Everybody is unique. Everybody deserves Fulbright and Harvard. It's just a matter of sitting down and trying to find out what makes you tick. Which moment in your life changed you? What do you want to work on?

                       So what makes you special? I wish and pray each one of you realizes your potential and wish you Godspeed in your ambitions. 
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Saturday, July 18th 2009

4:32 PM (126 days, 14h, 54min ago)

Indonesia from my eyes!!!

1- Indonesia is the most populous Muslim Country in the world (237 million people approximately) and is made up of over 17,000 islands.

2- Jakarta is on the island Java and is a megacity that has been broadly divided into Central Jakarta, North Jakarta, South Jakarta, West Jakarta and East Jakarta. I stayed in South Jakarta or Jakarta Selatan (Selatan meaning South).

3- It has a tropical climate. There are basically two seasons ; wet and dry. 

4- It is a very colourful city. Everything is painted brightly, from houses to cars.

5- It has a major problem of traffic. People generally prefer motorbikes. As soon as the signal goes green there is this maddening race, that seems right out of some need for speed type of movie.

6- Yes, there are rickshaws!!!!

7- Public transport consists of vans and buses. Buses are of broadly two types, express or transjakarta and the normal one. Transjakarta runs on this special lane reserved for it. It stops at limited number of places and its stop is smack in the middle of the road. They have literally hanging bus stations which you cross by an overhead bridge. No other form of transport is allowed in the lane reserved for Transjakarta. Taxis are available and they charge you by the meter. 

8- Did I mention Jakarta is a MAJOR traffic disaster. I guess I did, but this point needs to repeated Generally, the traffic is better during the weekends, since people coming from places near jakarta go home for the holidays.

9- They city has some of the most amazing skyscrappers. Has huge huge malls and practically all the fast food you can imagine, they HAVE IT.

10- Trains also run through the city and sometimes over it. If you hear the ting ting sound, it means you have to stop and wait for the train to pass.

11- Fruit trees are everywhere you look. We have a mango tree in our yard.

12- Footpaths are practically non-existent. Big time trouble for pedestrians.

13- They have Nallahs on the sides of the roads and streets, so if you don't watch out you can fall into one and well end up a stinking freak.

14- There is this bizarre bizarre custom that they wear jackets while on motorbikes. So while you are sweating and cursing the humdity, these people are wearing jackets. Have no idea how they can tolerate that.

15- Indonesians are genearlly short people. I'm have to try hard to find people over 5 feet five inches

16- You find girls in shorts and skirts & in pants. Generally, there is no real concept of purdah. 

17- Girls motorbike too

18- Ladies run shops and markets.

19- You find a seat in the bus and if it is empty you sit, whether there is a lady or a guy. Sometimes seems odd when you think what would happen in Pakistan if you did that :0

20- Generally, Indonesians only pray the Farz during prayers. They have this custom of shaking hands with people around them after the salam. It is nice. This custom is found in the Arabs as well.

21- The people keep to themselves. If it's none of their business, it's none of their business. They don't come and stare at foriegners or anything. On the bad side, that means it is harder learning about them because they talk so little. Plus barely anybody understands english. 

22-  The currency is Rupiah. One dollar is approximately equal to 10,000 Rupiah. So basically everything is for thousands. Very hard calculations

23- They also have the trend of foodstalls and they have stalls having stuff from fried chicken to pakooras on them. Also add to the traffic problem.

24- Indonesians love noodles.

25- Lots and lots of mosquitoes and sewer rats....ewww.


Enough for one day of blogging. Next post will be of pictures of the city, InshaAllah.
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Tuesday, July 7th 2009

7:50 PM (137 days, 11h, 36min ago)

The Journey to Harvard (part 2) !!!!

            So I was shortlisted for the Fulbright scholarship interview in Mid- June. Before I go on to mention how the interview went, I'd like to mention another person who was instrumental in shaping my journey to Harvard. Kaveri Harriss, a PhD student at the London School Of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, who had come to Pakistan in 2005 to carry out a research on aging, gender and health. I came across her research via an abstract printed online and I emailed her. She was kind enough to email the full text of her article and that article formed the backbone of the defence of my proposal of the need to study Aging in Pakistan. She also helped me identify the researches and work already carried out in Pakistan which is an important part in planning a research project, since you don't want to replicate studies and certainly don't want to waste time collecting information that has already been collected. I'll talk and analyze her work some other time, InshaAllah.

           Getting back to the interview, I was very nervous. Omar Hyder helped me prepare for the common questions asked in the interview and proceeded to show me what they expected and needed in Fulbrighters. The day of the interview I reached USEFP and was cleared to enter after security checks. I was given a pencil and paper & asked to comment on my favourite way to excercise. This was actually the psychological analysis part of the interview. Anyways, I wrote about why I considered participating in sports a good way to excercise. There were around 30 people gathered for the interview that day. We were given a circular highlighting that they had called approximately 900 people for the interviews, and the academic committee was already impressed with our credentials. The circular advised us to be ourselves. We were given a presentation on how to search for universities, how to see if a particular university's department was better than some bigger university's department ( for example it was not necessary that Harvard had the best department on agriculture or forestry), we were told that if we were rejected by the ivy league schools it would not be the end of the world and lastly they mentioned that most of us weren't going to get the scholarship, but that didn't mean we should give up our hopes of studying in the US. They advised us to keep in touch with USEFP and register for an academic advisor. We were told there were many other awards that could be availed.

            My number for the interview was almost at the end. The wait was horrible. I was in no shape to talk to anyone. I went to the washroom like ( I'm not joking) 20 times. I seriously began to think there was something wrong with me medically ( did I all of a sudden develop Diabetes ). Anyways, a few people introduced themselves to one another and began to chat, but you could sense everybody was just edgy. The advisors checked our original documents. Around 2 o ' clock I was ushered to the second floor where I was again asked to sit and wait. After what seemed centuries, I was called into this huge room. There was Dr.Grace Clarke wearing a beautiful shalwar kameez and a gentleman from Quaid-e-Azam university on her right side and a lady who headed a research company on the left side. Behind Dr.Clark was a lady whose role I did not understand (Pschological analysis?). Dr.Grace Clark practically conducted my whole interview. She asked me why I was choosing epidemiology as a field? Why was I leaving medicine? Why did I choose Aging? What inspired me to study epidemiology? How I would help on return? She then asked me about the theories of Aging ( I had no clue). Then to my surprise, she asked me if I had heard about certain researches and projects that were carried out in Pakistan. I had done alot of searching into what work had been carried out in Pakistan, but I hadn't heard about the projects Dr.Clark mentioned. This sort of made me nervous. I learnt later that Dr.Grace Clark was very interested in the Aging herself. Then, she asked we why I though Aging was important and what were my proposals on what do about them? She asked me to design a project on the secondary prevention of diabetes mellitus.Then, she allowed the Quaid-eAzam University gentleman to ask me a few questions. He asked me about what I thought about the heaqlthcare system of Pakistan? Did I have hope about the system improving? Overall, the interview was conducted in a very friendly atmosphere. I left the room feeling like I did fairly well. I think I gave them an impression of someone who had an idea of where he wanted to be, but was still young, naive and raw. I think even that worked to my advantage. It showed I was thinking of how I could make a change. 

          During the fall of 2009, in October, I recieved an email from Mr.Saleem Razzaque congratulating me on my selection as a Principal Candidate for the Fulbright Scholarship. This was one of the happiest days of my life. I called people who were close to me, family and friends, and shared my happiness with them.

        I would like to take this oppurtunity to thank USEFP and Dr.Grace Clark for giving me the oppurtunity to study in the US. I can never forget the role of USEFP in making this possible.


                   ( To Be Continued)
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